Last updated on October 20, 2025
Everyone says, “Find a mentor.” But here’s what they don’t tell you
If you’ve ever sat through an entrepreneurship panel or scrolled through LinkedIn, you’ve heard it: “Find a good mentor. Learn from someone who’s done it before you.”
It sounds right, even comforting, that somewhere out there, a wise figure is waiting to unlock your potential and make the journey easier.
I used to believe that too. I thought if I could just meet the right person, everything would click.
But here’s what I learned: that person rarely exists in the way we imagine.
The truth is, most of us don’t need a guru. We don’t need someone to hand us answers.
What we really need… …is accountability.
The Myth of the Perfect Mentor
For a long time, I believed success was one great mentor away. I attended business events, coffee meetups, and networking sessions, hoping to meet that person who would somehow change everything.
And yes, I met incredible people. Some offered valuable advice. But advice means nothing if you don’t act on it.
You can have the smartest mentor in the world, but if you don’t execute, it’s just theory. It’s like hiring a personal trainer and never going to the gym.
A mentor might show you the path. You still have to walk it yourself.
What We Really Want (But Don’t Admit)
If we’re honest, most of us aren’t actually searching for a mentor. We’re searching for validation.
We want someone successful to tell us, “You’re doing great.” We want reassurance that our timeline is normal, that our choices are right, and that our struggles are temporary.
But comfort doesn’t build results. Growth isn’t supposed to be comfortable.
The best mentors, the real ones, don’t flatter you. They challenge you. They hold up a mirror and say, “You can do better.” They don’t tell you what you want to hear. They tell you what you need to face.
And often, the hardest truth is this: You already know what to do. You’re just not doing it.
Accountability Changes Everything
Accountability doesn’t sound glamorous, but it’s the single most powerful force for growth.
The difference between people who rise and people who stay stuck isn’t intelligence. It’s consistency.
It’s showing up when no one’s watching. It’s not letting yourself off the hook when it gets hard.
“Accountability keeps you grounded. It forces you to act.”
You can build it in simple, real ways.
- Have a friend who calls you out when you slack off.
- Join a small group that checks in weekly about actual progress, not just ideas.
- Even journaling daily can keep you honest with yourself.
You don’t need someone wiser. You need someone or something that keeps you responsible to your own promises.
Real Mentorship Feels Like Friendship
When you stop chasing a “guru” and start valuing people who grow with you, everything shifts.
Some of the best mentors in my life weren’t CEOs or industry veterans. They were peers, younger founders, even team members who spoke truth when it mattered.
Real mentorship isn’t about hierarchy. It’s about honesty. It’s not someone pulling you up from above; it’s someone walking beside you.
The most valuable advice I’ve ever received didn’t come from a stage. It came from a quiet conversation with someone who cared enough to tell me the truth.
Stop Searching, Start Building
Too many people waste years searching for the perfect mentor when they could have spent that time building their craft.
The irony is that mentors often appear after you’ve already started moving. People are drawn to momentum.
When you’re learning, trying, failing, and improving, guidance finds you naturally. Successful people love helping those who are already in motion, not those waiting for permission.
So stop waiting for someone to “pick” you. Do the work. Build the habit. Show up even when no one is clapping.
“What attracts the right people isn’t your potential. It’s your persistence.”
The Real Lesson: Build Your Own Compass
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s this: mentorship is not a person. It’s a mindset.
It’s about surrounding yourself with people who challenge you, not comfort you. It’s about creating systems that make progress non-negotiable.
Don’t spend your life searching for someone to guide you. Build your own compass. Learn, adapt, fall, stand up, and repeat.
And one day, when someone asks you for advice, remember what it felt like. Don’t just give them direction. Give them accountability.
Because real growth doesn’t come from being taught. It comes from being tested.
— Edwin Wong
CEO & Founder, The Ledger Asia
