Singapore, 18 October 2025 – Bullying is often viewed simply as cruelty or power abuse. But as several reformed bullies now share, the roots of such behaviour can run surprisingly deep, entwined with emotional wounds, unmet recognition, and a search for control or belonging.
One such story is that of Abdul Wafi Idris, once a national boxer whose school assault video resurfaced online in 2024. Now 18, he admits that he used to “snap”, his aggression driven by feelings of invisibility and internal struggle. He reflects that in the moment, he “didn’t even feel like myself.”
Sebastian Ong, 36, recalls a childhood with a harsh father and a mother subjected to violence at home. School became a battleground. He says he bullied others to manage his pain and assert some form of agency. “If I didn’t like a teacher, I’d walk out. Sometimes I’d shout, throw chairs … bully others,” he says.
These personal stories echo a broader observation by psychologists: bullies aren’t born; many are molded by emotional distress, home turbulence, and social exclusion.
The Psychology Behind the Bully
- Visibility & Recognition: Many bullies crave attention or validation. To some, being feared or noticed, no matter how negatively, is better than being invisible.
- Emotional dysregulation: Insecure or unsettled children often default to aggression as a control mechanism. Dr Ong Mian Li, a clinical psychologist, points out that bullies often struggle to manage frustration or shame in healthy ways.
- Social hierarchies & status: Bullying sometimes becomes a tool to navigate social hierarchies, establish dominance, or protect oneself from being targeted.
- Cycle of harm: A notable percentage of students who bully admit they were also bullied. Hurt people hurt people, in a perpetuating cycle of trauma and offense.
The Role of Institutions & Communities
Schools often bear the burden of intervention, but experts argue that schools alone cannot fix bullying. Real solutions require holistic, multi-layered approaches:
- Restorative practices: Instead of solely punitive measures, interventions should encourage empathy, accountability, and repair of harm.
- Early detection & support: Identifying at-risk children and intervening with counseling or mentoring can prevent escalation.
- Parental and community engagement: Behaviours at home, societal norms, and peer culture influence how children act. Addressing bullying must extend beyond classroom walls.
- Training for teachers & counselors: For meaningful impact, educators must be equipped to detect emotional distress and respond beyond punishment.
Reflections & Redemption
Many former bullies now express deep regret. Sebastian Ong says he wishes he had been guided with empathy rather than punishment. Mohamad, another former bully, recalls how humiliations masked his own pain. Mr Ivan Tay, a lawyer who once bullied classmates, later apologized when reconnecting as adults.
Their transformations underscore that the bullies of the past have agency to change, and that something as simple as a compassionate conversation can begin to mend broken dynamics.
Source: CNA